Who would you be best friends with on Gilligan’s Island?

Who would you be best friends with on Gilligan’s Island?

When I was younger I used to think that the castaways had died in the storm and that the island was their Heaven. Then they got rescued. There goes that theory.
They didn’t get rescued during the series. They made a movie about it years later. I guess they finally figured that they HAD to since they just left them stuck there. They would have had to do the same thing on The Fugitive if David Janssen had never caught the one-armed man. I just hate it when tv shows end abruptly with no story line resolutions.

Anyway, sure they got rescued in that crappy tv movie… but then, OMG, the dumbasses go on another boat trip – ugh, why?- and then get shipwrecked again on the same island. I don’t know what the odds of that happening in real life are, but in tv land it’s even money. I guess they’re still there. Unless they got rescued in another tv movie and I missed it because I was drunk or something.

I guess I should answer the question. Who would I be best friends with? Well, right off the bat I can eliminate the Professor. Sure he’s smart and all, but he’s boring. In the first season he didn’t even get acknowledged in the opening credits. How boring do you have to be to have that happen? Especially when there are only 7 people on the show. So yeah, he’s out.

skipperThen there is Gilligan. Okay fine, they named the island after him. But why would I want to be best friends with somebody who is so stupid? He was always screwing everything up. Sure he had a good heart and all of that, but still…

Ginger. No.
Mary Ann. No.

That leaves the Skipper and the Howells. The Skipper was a sweetheart. Well, when Gilligan wasn’t goofing up everything. But, he was always making people work and stuff. Let’s do this. Let’s do that. Let’s try to fix the boat.

So now we have the Howells. She’s a hoot and he’s just downright hilarious. They spend most of their time lounging, trying on hats and playing golf. That’s fun. They’re the real reason for the shipwreck you know. If they hadn’t have brought all that fuckin’ shit along (trunks and trunks of clothes and money) that boat totally could have outrun that storm. But noooo, they have to weigh it down with all of their crap. So now they’re stuck on an island where their clothes are always pristine and freshly pressed even though they don’t have an iron. I’ve never seen one at least. Maybe the professor made one out of coconuts and Gilligan used that bicycle made out of bamboo to power it.
And…they’re never dirty. How do they do that? Those people on Survivor look like homeless pigs after 3 days. These jokers look like they came straight out of Mercede’s Fashion Week.

howell 1So, since Mr. Howell has the best clothes – and best friends let you borrow their clothes – I’ll have to pick him. Even though he IS the real reason they were stuck on that stupid island.


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